Happy Holidays Everyone!
Had a great Christmas. Did some last minute shopping but we didn't get a Christmas tree this time like we did last year.

The best present I got this year is something really cheap and worthwhile... a great work-out c/o my holiday cleaning spree... yay! There's no better workout that cleaning your house because after all your hardwork, you not only lose pounds, but you also end up with a clean home! Two birds with one stone ain't it?

I didn't bother getting Otakubaa anything this Christmas/her birthday.(She was born on Christmas day...)  I thought really hard about it and I realized that the only reason I could think of to get her a present is to fulfill my obligation as a "friend". And I hated it. I hate doing things perfunctorily... makes me feel so fake. I'd rather be misunderstood than be dishonest to myself. Besides, Otakubaa doesn't deserve it. She has broken my heart far too many times(in fact I lost count already) for me to waste my life on her. I want to be happy. And I want to have genuine friends that I can truly cherish. I don't want to cherish Otakubaa... And even if I wanted to, there isn't any happy thought involving her for me to hold on to.

Happy... just plain happy today.

Can't wait to get my pc-greenmonkey back. I had her upgraded and all, having her all ready to face a new year filled with tons of workload and Sims 3 WA. Hehe.

In the meantime, I am busying myself with some holiday cleaning.:)

Ivo's eyebags make him cute...
So... tired...

I can't believe I did a three-day's worth of workload in just 24 hours! It's freakn' amazing what adrenalin rush can do.

It's a miracle!

Now that I am free...

Tomorrow I might visit my grandmother and maybe take my pc to my uncle for maintenance. I gotta clean the entire house before Christmas Eve and of course do some late Christmas shopping but for now, I havta sleep!

Back from a loooong slumber
Working late... but I gotta love it.<3

I made sure to have my nails done so when I type in the wee hours at least I will have my nails to make me happy. Lolz. Its red btw. Me loves black, dark blue or plum. I like colors that make my hand look even paler than it already is. Teehee.

I was never the office-type person, but I think its harder to work at home 'coz there are just way too many distractions like my cats, the TV, food (Y_Y), house chores and my bed! Gotta... discipline... self!

Speaking of work, I am thinking of just keeping one blog from now on. So I am sticking to LJ. *crosses fingers*. I've been to Blogger.com but something about their blog format makes the place feel so rigid and unartistic. I've also tried Vox but I feel so alone there... Then there's Wordpress, which makes me feel like a journalist(not sure if I like that). So far, the only blogging site that I really enjoyed aside from LJ is FC2, you know, that Japanese-run site? For someone like me who really digs Japanese stuff, I think that place is kewl: has nice skins and its user friendly. The only problem is, a majority of the people there are either Japanese or some other non-English speaking country. (>_<;) Which is why, I guess LJ is the obvious choice for me. That is, if I regain enough interest in blogging again.

The internet's been draining me in some way. True, cyberspace can be a really interesting place, but it's also overwhelming most of the time. Nowadays, I just try to limit my use of the internet for work and research purposes. Other than that, I try to keep away from social sites and forums. I am glad I am still in a way interested in blogging. For me, its still a more sophisticated way to enjoy the net and even if you type in nonsense stuff, it still seems more worthwhile to me than chatting, playing online or updating your status in social networking sites. Haha, do I sound like I dislike social networking sites? Well...


I guess all I want to say is, you'll probably be seeing more of me here. *yeah, yeah we've heard that before!*

Okay back to work.

Come home Gurfield... onegai

I felt really weird yesterday... my loyal pet has gone missing for days now. And I am worried sick. I am not sure if I will ever see him again. I miss him so much. I just hope wherever he is right now, he's happy and safe...

Sorry that's just the harsh truth of it... sayonara
Now I realize why I felt so uncomfortable being with S.H. Aside from the fact that I felt I was being "used" and manipulated by her. I saw her as someone so weak, fragile, and pathetic to even be reprimanded. Which was why at the end of the day, after being with her, I felt so cross, pathetic, unhappy and sorry for myself too. Plus, I didn't have any reason to hang out with her in the first place. Everything I did was out of being polite, civil and because I thought I was doing her a favor. I hated that feeling. Which is why my insides felt like screaming out every time I was with her and I always tried to avoid her when I could. It's different when you really agree with someone wholeheartedly and like them regardless. And it's really torturous to not like someone at all and yet be subjected to their unwanted company NO MATTER HOW NICE THEY SEEM TO BE. Because it just really wouldn't work out! She can't blame me for letting go.

I've been wanting to quit my night job again. Monotony really gets me down. And the fact that my time is not in my hands freaks me out. Plus, on top of the fact that I am not really the office-type just makes things harder for me. But I guess kamisama answered my prayers and sort of calmed my restless heart. I have come into terms now with reality and have accepted things as they are. I have decided to keep both my jobs. It may not be an ideal situation for me... but I know this will make me happy in the long run.

Speaking of work, there are many an interesting people really in this world. Some you'd want to know more of and some... well, you'd rather have not been accquainted with at all. Just like this one particular person I have met at work who I swear scares the hell out of me. She clings to me like we've known eachother for years; wants me to accompany her wherever she goes; gives me a reprimanding glare when I try to ignore her and most of all is always there whenever I don't want her to be! She sits beside me at work, eats lunch with me and even walks home with me. I swear if she could go home with me she probably would! And damn I am so ANNOYED by her! Will it be mean of me to tell her off? I've been wanting to do so for the longest time but I just couldn't bring myself to. Part of me feels sorry for her because she looks so pathetic. But the thing is, whenever I start being nice and accomodating, she abuses my kindess(and patience) and starts hogging my personal space again! Oh and she can be so inconsiderate!

I am worried that I might see her again at work tonight. I dunno what to say to her. She just makes me want to jump out of the window in fright!

Sara took the words out of my heart...
"One Sweet Love"

Just about the time the shadows call
I undress my mind and dare you to follow
Paint a portrait of my mystery
Only close my eyes and you are here with me
A nameless face to think I see
To sit and watch the waves with me till they're gone
A heart I'd swear I'd recognize is made out of
My own devices....
Could I be wrong?

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?

Sleepless nights you creep inside of me
Paint your shadows on the breath that we share
You take more than just my sanity
You take my reason not to care.
No ordinary wings I'll need
The sky itself will carry me back to you
The things I dream that I can do I'd open up
The moon for you
Just come down soon

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love.

Savor the sorrow to soften the pain sip on
The southern rain
As I do, I don't look don't touch don't do anything
But hope that there is a you.

The earth that is the space between,
I'd banish it from under me...to get to you.
Your unexpected love provides my solitary's
Suicide...oh I wish I knew

The time that I've taken
I pray is not wasted
Have I already tasted my piece of one sweet love?
Ready and waiting for a heart worth the breaking
But I'd settle for an honest mistake in the name of
One sweet love.

I really like this song by Sara Bareilles. I chanced upon it one day as I was listening on my i-pod(my younger sister was her original fan...) anyhow, I was easily drawn by this song because it is most probably the kind of song I would write - if I were to write a love song. Call me a hopeless romantic - because I am. And so is this song. I love it because it describes that innocent yearning for true love which I, once in a while, find myself guilty of. No one seems to believe much in destined love nowadays... which I think is kinda sad. I still do. And I think I will till I die. 

End of hibernation - I hope!
Oh jeez I haven't been here in a looooooooooooooong while. I guess I got too caught up with tons of things that I just neglected my LJ! I guess this is the problem with having a real journal and a blog at the same time. I tend to write more on paper than online. That is if I even get the chance to write! Hehe... (excuses excuses...) Yeah, but honestly, I have been so overwhelmed by a lot of things that I really didn't get to write much. Even if I wanted to and sit in front of my journal or my PC, I didn't get to write anything... but I do plan to get over all that and start a new. I plan to write here as often as I should from now on. So here I am - again!

First of all, I like to say HI~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Skidd! Sorry pal, been away soooo long. You've left and came back from Egypt and I didn't even get to chat with ya! How are ya? Hope you're okay. Good to see that you're being active with your blog hehe(unlike me! XD) I checked out your blog - I just didn't get to read everything yet. I am glad I did, now I am inspired to write again. Hehe...

In actuality, there have been tons of stuff that has happened to me that I myself can say is worth writing about. There's this new job I just got, dubbing, as usual; the new friends I have made; my thoughts; recent realizations; latest possible craze, etc... etc... TONS! So really, now I have no idea where to start. (>__<;) But in a nutshell, I guess what I can say for now is life has still been pretty good to me. Now more than ever, I feel so happy to be alive... and kicking(ass?). Lol.

Now to get my thoughts organized and plan what to write here one by one... be back with more updates soon! (^-^)/!

After an hour of torture...

Why should I feel guilty for being sensitive? This is my nature. God made me this way for a reason. I never used it to harm anyone, yet society makes me feel(and so does my mother) that being sensitive is wrong. Is it my fault that I can easily tell if people are being unjust or unfair? And that I am reacting against it? Why am I being told to just ignore it?  

I hate turning this journal into a rant portion kinda thing but some events are just to overwhelming that I have to release the tension somehow (and I have no better medium than through this blog) otherwise, I fear I will go insanely ballistic at someone.

Why are other people just so dumb and utterly selfish? What irks me the most is, inspite of their total lack of sensitivity, they can still go on with their lives and consider themselves free of guilt. I really can’t believe there are such people.

Sometimes I feel, it’s better to be alone. That way you don’t have to bother with other people’s nonsense. Or caring too much for people who don’t care for themselves is just pointless. Same is true with caring for people who don’t care if you care about them… Now I know where my depression comes from. Its from living my life to please others. If only I thought of myself more back then, then maybe I would have achieved half of my dreams by now. And not just feel sorry for myself.  


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