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After an hour of torture...

Why should I feel guilty for being sensitive? This is my nature. God made me this way for a reason. I never used it to harm anyone, yet society makes me feel(and so does my mother) that being sensitive is wrong. Is it my fault that I can easily tell if people are being unjust or unfair? And that I am reacting against it? Why am I being told to just ignore it?  

I hate turning this journal into a rant portion kinda thing but some events are just to overwhelming that I have to release the tension somehow (and I have no better medium than through this blog) otherwise, I fear I will go insanely ballistic at someone.

Why are other people just so dumb and utterly selfish? What irks me the most is, inspite of their total lack of sensitivity, they can still go on with their lives and consider themselves free of guilt. I really can’t believe there are such people.

Sometimes I feel, it’s better to be alone. That way you don’t have to bother with other people’s nonsense. Or caring too much for people who don’t care for themselves is just pointless. Same is true with caring for people who don’t care if you care about them… Now I know where my depression comes from. Its from living my life to please others. If only I thought of myself more back then, then maybe I would have achieved half of my dreams by now. And not just feel sorry for myself.  

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Hey kit-chan. Sounds like you had a bad day...

I have also been labelled sensitive/overly-sensitive by my family... it makes me more than a little angry. When I refused to partake in the discussion and goes into the room, I am overly-sensitive. I just didn't want to get into a heated argument.

So in a way I guess I kinda understand what you mean.

I hate it when I see stuff, and have no way of making others understand the anxiety I feel.

But you know, you're not alone. No one person can. =) You can't be selfish, because you are built that way. The bad things will pass. We are the type of people who can't handle living with guilt. So... if anything we will probably be hurt ourselves. Haha. =) I wonder if that is a good thing. -__________-"

Anyways... Hope you are feeling better now. Cheer up! =)

Here's a mega-watt smile for you. =)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Take care!

hi skidd. ^_^

thanks. you made me feel better already.

yeah, i was frustrated at someone. it's kinda an on and off thing in our family... i may be getting too old to be living with my folks hehe.

i'm actually in an all time low at the moment so i think that has something to do with my ever changing mood. i dunno, i guess i lack inspiration?

but you're right; bad things will pass. i just hope mine does soon. it sucks feeling blue.

thanks for that "mega-watt" smile. it really made my day. ^_______^

hmm. it is difficult huh? when you are angry at someone in the family.

you know, i happen to be the type who can raise my voice at family members, but am so meek in the real world. haha. terrible huh? but i guess it might also be due to the fact that we would expect them of all people to know and understand you, but it is not so. and then, deep inside, you know they will always be able to take all that you throw at them... so you kinda abuse that knowledge, abuse that right, abuse that sort of love... even when you know... (well most of the time anyways, haha) that they only sorta meant the best for you. but what they want for you, might not always be what you want.

all right, that is one lengthy and erm... highly messy patch of words. haha.

hope you feel better soon, though that is highly unconvincingly from someone who is in a rut as well. haha. =) take care, kit!

i get what your saying clearly skidd. yeah it does make sense. someone once told me that it's better to voice out your thoughts(in any manner for that matter) than just staying quiet. at least with expressing it outwardly they may not understand you initially but having given them something to think about, eventually they might. rather than if you did otherwise.

maybe yours is a really big frustration that you can't help but raise your voice? me, i rarely raise my voice but i throw stuff around when i am mad, hehe i think that's even worst!

and yeah that's the beauty of family for ya. my mom always tells me what's the use of being a "family" if each family member can't accept one another's shortcomings or idiosyncrasies? well, she does have a point. i guess it all comes down to: there are just some things we can and cannot change and in the end we just have to accept that.

thanks. i can say the same for myself too haha. we're both in a slump. but for what it's worth, i do feel a little good today. i was at this japanese cultural celebration kinda thing yesterday and i got to drink authentic japanese green tea and wear a kimono for the first time in my life. so yeah, that made my day. haha ^_^

hmm..... that first sentence made alot of sense.

Haha. I don't throw stuff around... except when I am really mad... these days, that dont happen much. Sometimes, when I am really, really upset, I thrash my pillows, and bury myself under my blankets and cry. I cry out loud when I am really pent up... like howling, then I get tired and the pain becomes numbing... and I just fall asleep. I generally wake up feeling better. Haha.

days are getting abit better for me as well... so I sure hope your days are looking up. I guess you must have been busyyyyyyy. =) judging from the lack of posts that is. =)

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